Friday, December 17, 2004

The Responsibility Factor

Today, I was explaining the whole cycle of spanking to a newbie. The simplistic version anyway. Brat, whack, and forgive. Along the way, it was brought to my attention that everything is very one way. The Spanker has all the power to direct the spankee who generally has no recourse in the matter. So the question is: what are the responsibilities of the Spanker?

Although within the realm of "play", the Spanker really doesn't have that much responsibility. His job is to fufill a role and as long as he doesn't step outside the boundries of that role, all is good.

It is when there is a crossover into a real life situation that things are most likely to get serious. And very quickly I might add. To throw another wrench into the machinery, things may start off as play, but progress rapidly into a real life situation without prior warning. This is a horror situation for many Spankers who get caught unaware and can rapidly deteriorate a relationship.

So what is the Spanker responsible for? In short, everything. No, its not fair, but that is just the way it is. The Spanker has ultimate authority over the spankee. He has the right to create rules and to enforce those rules as he sees fit. As a result, everything that happens is his fault and ultimately his responsibility. Things are not bleak though. The reverse holds true. If the relationship holds and prospers he is credited, and rightly so, with the majority of that success. The spankee merely "expects" the Spanker to do so. Of course what the spankee expects is quite often a lot.

Soooo..... as a general guideline I offer these. In all honestly, I don't always follow my own rules, but I find that these are the basic points to consider.

1. Don't be an idiot. This is very important. You are responsible for her well being, her behavior, and her mental health. Yeah, that sucks, but thats just the way it is.

2. Create reasonable rules. Rules are the lifeblood of the spankee. You must not make them subject to interpertation because sure as the sun comes up everyday, the spankee will attempt to reinterpert them. Rules must be fair and straight forward. "You must behave" is not a good rule. "You must treat people with respect" is a marginal rule. "You must not take your anger out on people" is a good rule.

3. Enforcement must be absolute. When a spankee breaks a rule, sometimes it is because of habit or forgetfullness. However, sometimes they do it to "test fences." ie, your willingness to enforce the rules. If you do not enforce your rules, all hell breaks loose and you have lost integrety in the spankee's eyes. This is bad. Do not do this. Enforce the rules and the sooner, the better.

4. Punishment shoud be reasonable. The object of a spanking should be to deter the spankee from doing a behavior that is to be discouraged. For example, a small infraction would be something like a hand spanking. The belt would be used for a medium infraction. The cane almost always reserved for the worse of offenses. Beating a spankee so she can't sit down for a week is a nice threat, but you should never attempt to do so. Punishing the spankee every day for a week is much more effective and less mean.

5. Show the spankee that you care. Remember to give her all the attention that she needs after the spanking. You need to explain the reasons for the punishment and that you think no less of her for having to be punished. This is the part where everything in the world comes into balance for the spankee.

6. Remeber that everything is your fault. Try not to screw up.

See you on the chats!

Friday, December 10, 2004

Spanking and other Fetishes

Receintly, the whole bruha about "collars" started coming up again. The collars by themselves are not really an issue though. The deeper confusion comes from the fact that "collars" are actually borrowed from another fetish, the BDSM and Dominance/submission (D/s) groups.

Adding to the confusion is that BDSM and D/s can incorporate some aspects of the spanking fetish, but not necessarily vice versa. So the buring six billion dollar question is: What seperates spanking from the other fetishes.

This is another one of those oh so deceptive questions that can turn around and bite you very quickly. There are of course the "pure" spankers (or spankos as the lingo goes) who stick strictly to the punishment fantasy. But there are also crossovers, those who spank and crossover into light bondage, sex, and sexual power play. And least we all forget ageplay. All of this conspires to deny us the ability to nicely lable those who play in "spanking" like you can with some of the other fetishes.

So what are the possible combinations? Well lets see.

  • The "pure" spankers. These people play in fantasies regarding aspects of wrong doing and correction. A typical scenerio goes like this: wife over spends, husband scolds wife, wife is sorry, husband spanks wide, wife is repentant, husband forgives wife, all is good.
  • Authority Figure. These are fantasies where the Spanker often assumes a role that is superior of the two. Bosses, School Masters, etc are all such authority figures. Play scenerios generally follow the pattern of the pure spankers.
  • Aspects of D/s. People who play with aspects of D/s will use sex and sexual humiliation to gain power of the "submissive." As a general rule, pure spankes don't necessarily deal with a Dominant and a submissive. Here the Dominant will use as tools, personal humiliation, sexual humiliation, and sex mixed in with the other aspects of pure spanking to bring his submissive to "heel."
  • Aspects of Bondage. Many of those who play with spanking have flirted with some form of bondage. It is a physical assertion of the helplessness of the person being spanked. A form of forced submission wheras D/s tends to be more mental.
  • Ageplay. People who are into ageplay often assume the roles of authority figures or children. The discussion on ageplay itself would take several essays and so I will not go into it here.
These are not the only parts which can make up the "crossovers" in spanking. Not by far. But I think these are the most common and the most likely to be faced by a newbie into spanking.

One big problem that the spanking community at large seems to have is a lack of information. As such, a new "spankee" will come into a chatroom only to be pounced on by the more aggressive "Dominants" with either a D/s or BDSM kink. Using the "tamer" spanking fetish as a lure, they then quickly transition their new acquisition into a "submissive" or in some cases a slave.

It is my opinion that these newcomers should be allowed to make their own journeys through the fetishes and end up where their inner being is most likely to stay. To do that, we need to get the information out there and reduce the confusion.

Chat at you later!

Thursday, December 09, 2004

What do you mean my blog looks ugly?

Its only been a few hours and already people are complaining that my blog looks ugly. Hey! Give it a break! Its still a "works in progress." I'll be tweaking it out over the next few days here and there. I think most of it is set though. I"ll probably have to drag a few more pics from the archives though.

Speaking of which. I had a fairly interesting chat with a "vanilla" chatter who somehow got lost and found their way to the chatroom. The question in point was "what do you get out of spanking?"

Hmm.. thats a trick question. Within the spankers as a group, there are many factors that will turn on a Spanker while he is spanking his girl.

  • First and foremost, its is probably sexual. I have heard cases where it is not, but that seems to be the extreme minority.
  • Second, its is a power dynamic. Many people not into spanking assume that either we're enamored with a girls bottom or we're just plain mean. That may be true in come cases, but as a whole.... *whack* *whack* *whack* doesn't cut it. For the most part, it is the exertion of "power" from us, and the taking away of power from the girl. If you think about it, in many scenerios of regular sex a similar pattern can be found. Girls control weather the guy gets sex or not (ie, the girl "gets into trouble", or not), once the courtship is initiated, it is generally up to the guy to set the tempo and the mood (ie, scolding, etc.) Then generally, it is the guy who strips the girl and decides which sexual acts to perform (ie, stripping the girl and deciding what kind of spanking.) And during sex, usually the guy set the speed and tone of the encounter.
I use the word "generally" a lot because its hard to make blanket statements on sex or anything related. The key point here is that spanking rituals can have analogous sexual components.

So what do we get? In short. A rush of power. YEAH! We da man! We control what the spankee does. We control how much of her clothes she gets to keep on. We control her responses during the spanking. We even control her responses AFTER the spanking. What a rush!

The ironic thing is, while this is all going on in our heads, spanking protocol requires that we stay reletively stoic in or reactions. Sometimes its a bummer, but I supposed it wouldn't do the girl any good if in the middle of a spanking, she turns around and sees the guy with a big ole Cheshire Cat grin on his face!

See ya next time!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

The first entry

Hiya everyone! Thank you for visiting my blog. Many of you have known me for years in the chatrooms. I hear many things through the grapevine but tend to say very little except for a few people.

Blogs are a wonderful creation. They give us the opportunity to communicate to a large amount of people in a quick and often whimsical way. Over the years, many people have come to me asking spanking advice. Unfortunately, I don't really like to give advice because every person tends to be different. Different personalities. Different relationships. Different aspects of the fetish.

What I would like to do here is on an informal basis, give my views on spanking and what I think it means to myself, the spanking community at large, and the mainstream public.

Don't be afraid to talk to me. I will never publish anything anyone tells me without their express permission.

Hopefully I'll be seeing you, either here or in chat!